Happy birthday little one

Today would have been our Daughter’s birth day. I’ll just leave that there for a minute whilst I bring myself around to actually comprehending it. I have spent a good period of time away from the Internet, away from blogs and vlogs and forums. I have stopped Googling temperature charts, cervical mucus and cycles. I …

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Peaks and troughs

So no ovulation again this month. Disappointed is an understatement. I feel so frustrated and worried. I've looked up private fertility scans I'm so desperate to know what's going on. Never in a million years did I think I'd be spending my 30th birthday money on this. It's just so depressing. Natural Cycles attempted to …

When life gives you lemons

I lay in bed and wept last night. Mike cuddled me in as I cried myself to sleep. His sister is going to have her baby girl imminently and two of my friends just announced their pregnancy on social media. It makes me feel empty. Sad. I'm worried about having to meet Mike's new niece, …

The only eggs here are chocolate ones…

As I was sitting at work yesterday morning feeling sorry for myself I looked at my phone to find this message from Mike It's amazing just how powerful a few words can be, I love him so much. Today is cycle day 17 for me, I've got everything crossed that I ovulate this month. I'm …

What Not to Say

Talking about grief is never easy which is sad in itself as it can bring so much comfort. I have felt at times so isolated by my grief that I'm almost ashamed to admit that I'm suffering. Instead of being compassionate and kind towards one another, we humans seem to be disappearing into our phones …

Expectation Vs Reality

Yesterday was hard. I knew it would be and honestly I'm a little disappointed in myself for how poorly I coped. I had this mother's day all dreamt of way back in November when I found out I was pregnant. I dreamt of bumps and flowers and Mike looking so proud and happy. I imagined …

Mother’s Day

Today I would have been 23 weeks pregnant with our first baby. I'd have been planning baby nursery colours, buying clothes and looking at all those gadgets to try out. The reality is I'm sitting on my bus to work yet again choking back tears thinking about the impending doom that is mother's day on …

Saturday morning

As I write this blog my boyfriend is snoring peacefully away next to me. I on the other hand have been awake since 4am struggling to get comfortable on my bed towel of shame with burning back pain. This is now my second period after my missed miscarriage back in December and it is well …

Back to it

After months of being glued to the Internet filling my head with statistics and horror stories about miscarriage and infertility I decided I had to stop. It was affecting my mental health and almost keeping me in this constant state of misery. I'm not the same as I was before losing our baby and I …

My missing puzzle piece

Any type of loss leaves us with a hole inside our heart, that feeling of not quite being complete anymore. When I think about any event or occasion now (or even little menial things like walking to work) I feel this pang of sadness and hollowness inside. It's like a tug pulling me back to …