Saturday morning

As I write this blog my boyfriend is snoring peacefully away next to me. I on the other hand have been awake since 4am struggling to get comfortable on my bed towel of shame with burning back pain. This is now my second period after my missed miscarriage back in December and it is well …

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Back to it

After months of being glued to the Internet filling my head with statistics and horror stories about miscarriage and infertility I decided I had to stop. It was affecting my mental health and almost keeping me in this constant state of misery. I'm not the same as I was before losing our baby and I …

My missing puzzle piece

Any type of loss leaves us with a hole inside our heart, that feeling of not quite being complete anymore. When I think about any event or occasion now (or even little menial things like walking to work) I feel this pang of sadness and hollowness inside. It's like a tug pulling me back to …

The waiting game

I'm now on week 7 post D&C procedure and still no sign of Aunt Flo.... I've never wanted my period so badly in my life! I'm starting to get worried about the retained product and the possibility of it going septic. Surely it has to come out soon?? I had to sit and delete out …

Six week rollercoaster

It's now 6 weeks since I had my surgery for the missed miscarriage. Thankfully the time has flown by, I think because I'm back at work and Mike is keeping me busy with house projects. I feel better than I did, both emotionally and physically which is such a relief. I just wish my cycle …

So what is it time for?

As I head into 2019 I'm at a bit of a loss. Obviously I was expecting this year to be half pregnancy and half new baby with my 30th birthday and maternity leave to look forward to. Now I don't know what 2019 is to me. Just getting through each day right now is a …

Who is Eden?

I had a pm asking me if Eden was the name we gave to our baby and it made me realise that actually my blog name makes no sense, well to anyone other than me that is! Eden wasn't our baby's name. She didn't get a name really, just nicknames. But Eden was our baby. …

One step back

I feel like it's been ages since I posted here. The last week has been a bit of a blur. It's now 3.5 weeks since my D&C procedure and all last week I just knew there was something wrong. I called the EPU over and over telling them I hadn't stopped bleeding and I'd lost …

Don’t feel ashamed to grieve

If it's one thing I'm learning about miscarriage it's that if a person hasn't gone through it they just don't get it. They ask how you are but they don't want to hear anything back other than happy things, desperately hoping that they don't have to offer up any further support. I'm beginning to feel …

Should have, could have

So I survived my first day back at work. Eight hours of fighting back tears and battling emails. My inbox full of post Christmas baby announcements for me to file maternity letters and dates for. Even the tech guy I called proudly stated that he may not be able to help me next week as …